These Phrases given by My Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger reluctance to open up between men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a break - spending a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."